Canadian Girls Rule!

17 thoughts on “Canadian Girls Rule!”

1. As so i don’t incriminate myself and others……i plead the fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiifff.

2. ^ki’s shortest comment, EVER^

   Isnt Canada “Up There” as apposed to “down there”?

3. i thought the nollie 180 heelflip was old faithful? am i wrong?

4. Well, Ronnie has two old faithfuls. Sal Flips and nollie 180 heel.

5. haha…..i fooled you with that one….here’s the WHOLE STORY!!!! Did you honestly think I had nothing to say???C’mon guys…. Do you know who you’re dealing with????? ………………………………………..

   The Canadian Chronicles…..

   The weekend of the 22nd. Basically the end of the month, was the annual AM GETTING PAID. I personally am an am. I have been an am for several several years, and if I lie and say I have no desire to be pro, I would be lying. I do. Who doesn‚Äö√Ñ√¥t??? But my slack ass still didn‚Äö√Ñ√¥t enter the contest. I spent my time on the sidelines, playiing the demo version of XBox 360…..making my sponsors proud.

   First off, getting there was half the battle. We ran into so many roadblocks, it almost seemed like we were never going to go. Mazur, our fearless driver/ leader/ whatever you want to call him, BITCHED THE WHOLE ENTIRE TIME. From the moment this kid came to my house, Friday morning, preaching that we were late, until the second we got there, he bitched. But I love him regardless. There’s a woman in every group, and he was it. Actually, let me take that back, he bitched MORE than any woman I ever met. But I will tell you what, get a few beers in him, and he’s is super party guy and the funniest dude you’ll ever run into.

   Mazur’s famous drunken quote of the trip, “Excuse me sir, can you point to which way America is??” Imagine him saying that shit-faced, hanging out of the van, with pizza falling out of his mouth, and you will get the picture fully.

   The trip consisted of Ki(the sexiest most talented black skateboarder alive), Mike Mazur (photo, skater, Ki Realer motivator), Ronnie Gordon (Hungry Man AM), Elliot Coss (The kid that got blamed for everything that broke throughout the trip), Shaun Willams (Traffic Skateboards prodigy), Andy Bautista (Where’s the party at??), and Davey “where’s my sweatshirt?” the filmer.

   The van was a pretty nice Chysler whatever, equipped with every button imaginable. And Mazur made it a point to push all of them. It had a DVD player and if you were lucky enough to be in the back seats, you got to get a lesson in gangster movies, like Goodfellas. Which got played repeatedly throughout the journey. Ricky Oyola’s wife, was nice enough to rent us such a van, and don’t worry, for insurance purposes we kept track of every single burnout we did in it.

   Driving there was very interesting. We all learned how to appreciate the finer things in life, like beef jerky. My colon hates me right now because I have eaten enough beef jerky to last me a lifetime. I must have spent at least 50 bucks on different kinds of that tasty goodness. At some points I thought it might be a safer bet to chew on my shoe. Another important thing to know when driving to Canada……don‚Äö√Ñ√¥t speed. Just ask Ronnie Gordon. Poor guy. I think I owe that dude the biggest apology for having to put up with me. He had the roughest time I have ever seen on a trip. I swear if he had a dog, it would have died. I‚Äö√Ñ√¥m saying rough. First off, we left late. So that meant me had to drive late. We left at around 3p.m. or so and we were supposed to leave around 12….Second, he had to pack and re-pack everyone‚Äö√Ñ√¥s shit in the back of the van, everytime I wanted any little thing I forgot in my duffle bag. WHICH ALWAYS SEEMED TO BE AT THE BOTTOM. Thirdly, 7 hours or so into the trip, he got a speeding ticket in Ass-County New York. Andy B., who might I add was strictly forbidden by the King of Philly himself to drive the van, was egging on Ron to drive faster….‚Äö√Ñ√πHey Ronnie, I swear to God I better not see that needle go any lower than 80mph, or I‚Äö√Ñ√¥m gonna be pissed.‚Äö√Ñ√π Well Ronnie listened and learned….Unfortunately for him it was the hard way. 95 in a 65…..Holy shit. That cop was not trying to hear any type of explanation for that one. What‚Äö√Ñ√¥s so bad about it is that it‚Äö√Ñ√¥s a court mandatory ticket because he was going to goddamm fast. Well, Ronnie better plan another trip soon because he‚Äö√Ñ√¥s got a 7 hour drive ahead of him just to go to court. Ouch!!!! Just when you seriously thought things couldn‚Äö√Ñ√¥t possibly get any worse for him, an us as a dynamic, the cop nonchalantly pointed out that the rental slip for the van wasn‚Äö√Ñ√¥t properly filled out and there wasn‚Äö√Ñ√¥t a second driver listed on it. His exact words were, ‚Äö√Ñ√∫Good luck getting across the border without the owner the the van not being there.‚Äö√Ñ√π Well, my smart thinking came in and on the next rest-stop I snagged the carbon backing of an old credit card slip and had Ronnie carefully forge his name on the naked slip. Sketchy, but shit it was worth a try. A little wrinklage for good measure and the paper was as good as golden. Second renter: Ronnie Gordon…..Look‚Äö√Ñ√¥s good to me. Again this is going to continue to get worse, so bear with me.

   We get in the van after a jerky/ piss/ forgery stop and we‚Äö√Ñ√¥re back on the road again. We lost two passengers, Elliot aka Ron Whaley, and Shaun aka well……….fuck it….Shaun.. Elliot‚Äö√Ñ√¥s parents just happened to be following behind us on the road and we thought it might be easier to scoot two minors across the border if they were with some decent folk aka Elliot‚Äö√Ñ√¥s parents and not so scumbag skaters. Again, hold on, here‚Äö√Ñ√¥s were the story get‚Äö√Ñ√¥s worse. We finally get to the border, pretty late at night. The place is relatively empty and it seems like smooth sailing. That is until the Canuck asked Ronnie how many people we were bringing to their country. ‚Äö√Ñ√∫How many people are you bringing with you??‚Äö√Ñ√π asked the gatekeeper. ‚Äö√Ñ√∫Uhhhh, seven, uh oh, I meant five….Yeah, see what had happened was we dropped two of our friends off a while back so five is what we have now is I think five…‚Äö√Ñ√π says the startled Ronnie. ‚Äö√Ñ√∫You don‚Äö√Ñ√¥t know how many people you have with you?? Pull the car over for an inspection.‚Äö√Ñ√π

   We were what the French might say…uh…Le‚Äö√Ñ√¥ fucked..

   We ALL had to get out of the van and go talk to some rude inspection officers about our purpose in Canada. All seven, oops, I meant five of us. Sitting in a room, one by one, we had to go and talk to this lady about how many times we‚Äö√Ñ√¥ve each been arrested to various things, and/or how many times we have ever so much as seen a judge. It was aweful. Well not for me….I‚Äö√Ñ√¥m straight. But not Ronnie. Let‚Äö√Ñ√¥s just say that the United States government, had some choice run-ins with Mr. Gordon., and Canada isn‚Äö√Ñ√¥t looking for any American riff-raff. On top of that, this jack-ass didn‚Äö√Ñ√¥t have a copy of his birth certificate either. He was really batting 1000 tonight. I thought for sure they were gonna send him right back to Haddonfield, with nothing to show for but empty pockets and a hefty speeding ticket.

   But they let him through. Really I couldn‚Äö√Ñ√¥t believe it. If it was me, they would have ripped my freedom papers up right in front of me a told me to hit the cotton fields again. But they let us pass….Barely. They said next time, NO ENTRY, without all your documents. Another burnout, and we were on our way.

   Montreal…….Well the city is pretty nice. A ledge skaters dream and a single man‚Äö√Ñ√¥s paradise. Monteal boasts some serious nightlife. But I will get to that later.

   Montreal was a very clean city, however it had some of the worst graffiti I have ever seen. Acutally I think the graffiti reference “throw up” , came from Montreal. Because all the graffiti was sooooo bad that it made me want to throw up. Now am and never was a big fan of graffiti, but this shit was aweful. Oh my gosh. The kids there are so wrapped up in the hip-hop scene, it is outta hand. Huge t-shirts, huge pants, and plenty of New Era hats. Shit, it felt like I was back in Philly all over again. Misfits? Never heard of them. Broaden your minds a litte people.

   As soon as we got there. From what seemed like the second we crossed the border, all of our cell phones went to absolute shit. Roaming isn’t the word. I was on some super roaming shit. I’m am really putting some of the people over at Sprint through college.

   Whatever. We ditched the phones and checked into a pretty dope hotel. All of us eager to experience the nightlife, we got all cleaned up and hit the strip. One word to decribe the strip of Montreal……NICE. There are people everywhere and bars for every kind of person imaginable. And they stay open until 3,4,5…..who gives a shit?!?!? We‚Äö√Ñ√¥ll go to another one. We settled for this awesome bar playing hip-hop and went in. I felt like I was at an exclusive trade-show or something, because eeeerbody was up in that piece. There were so many heads there, I just have to take the ‚Äö√Ñ√∫V‚Äö√Ñ√π off that mutha. Girls galore, and drunken men everywhere. People were getting their dance on. Skate videos were playing, and the libations were flowing. Due to my exclusiveness, I had to set up what I called a ‚Äö√Ñ√∫HO-RIMETER.‚Äö√Ñ√π ‚Äö√Ñ√∫Stay back ho‚Äö√Ñ√¥s I‚Äö√Ñ√¥m taken.‚Äö√Ñ√π When I say exclusive I mean, the only black people in all of Montreal were me, Kenny Hughes, and Harold Hunter. We looked like some ants in a sugar bowl and we loved every minute of it. The center of attention was on us. But it might of had something to due with the fact that we were the loudest, most obnoxious, partyingess (shit is that a word?), folks out there. It was so crazy, we took that shit outside and it was even crazier. Kenny and Harold are my new found homies and they know why……‚Äö√Ñ√πJersey son!!!‚Äö√Ñ√π ‚Äö√Ñ√∫Whose the representative for Jersey gonna be??‚Äö√Ñ√π and ‚Äö√Ñ√∫Who the frrrrrrrrruuck want whut?!?!‚Äö√Ñ√π was the saying of the night, and we kept the party going all the way back tthe hotel. The hotel manager hated us, and we knew it. Oh well. Just like they say, ‚Äö√Ñ√∫When the east is in the house, Oh, my God!!‚Äö√Ñ√π Running around the halls, we busted in the Fairman‚Äö√Ñ√¥s room, with Harold at the kaboos, waking up the slumbered.

   Eventually sleep was had, and those who were supposed to skate in the contest the next day were doomed for lack of proper rest and too much partying. I wasn’t entering. I was just in Canada to get footy so I could care less. Time to party bitches!!! Canada parties are like no other. So crazy to the fact that I found myself skipping out on an endeavor or two to remain out of harms way.

   Time for heavy shredding.

   One thing I will say off the bat is that the course was super hectic. I have never been to Tampa Am, but I am sure it was just as crowded. Big money, big sponsors, bring in big crowds. At 15 grand for the contest winners, you saws some serious guns out. Notables and just people flat out mentioning, were people like, Kurtis Colominico (who has a banged up knee and hobbled around like a horse waiting to be taken out to pasture), Johnny Layton, Bobby Worrest (who has such a good style), Manny Santiago and Dave Bachinsky from Massachusetts, Andrew Cannon, Matt Miller, Nyjah Huston, and many others. Zoo York was in full effect and it seemed like every person who ever was on flow for them was there. You would be amazed on the amount of people who ride for Zoo. Another thing that really caught my eye was the sponsors heavy promotion. I mean, c’mon, there were so many stickers on things that riders were pulling them off just to skate certain shit. It was no doubt that Underworld skateshop, & Zoo York wanted you to know who hooked the contest up. Plus each kid out there was a billboard. Funny thing is it seemed like every kid out on the course only rode for Underworld, Zoo York, Circa, Osiris, DVS, Ezekiel, and Venture. There were a few Dwindle and Red Dragons peppered in here and there, but for the most part it looked like everyone was rocking the same thing.

   People were fucking all over. Crashing into each other left and right, people were flopping all over the big course. Some of the shit there was ridiculous and transitions were at a serious nil, so if you were looking to get you TNT on, you can fucking forget it.

   Truth be told, none of the crew I was with, made the cut. Not a one. Oh well, we‚Äö√Ñ√¥re in Montreal so it was a wash. Plenty of decent street skating, lot‚Äö√Ñ√¥s of bars (even though I don‚Äö√Ñ√¥t drink), and for the single, loads of pretty French-Quebec speaking girls, who love Americans.—-Or hate them. I guess it depends on who you ask.

   Spots. Let me tell you about skatespots in Monteal. There are fucking plenty. The downside of it all is that I am slow go and we are super strapped for time. We drove around in the rain and looked for spots. There are spots all over. Alot of the spots I have seen in various videos and can see why alot if not ALL the Canadians I run into are good. Rain. Lots and lots of rain. Two full days of street skating ruined for me on a rain delay. Also we came here late in the year, so another pilgramage out here will be too late. There gonna be snow and cold weather everywhere.

   I wish I knew before, what I know now because I would have spent the better half of my summer here. My cell phone doesn’t work, so I can’t call anyone, and everything is close by. I would have had a great summer. Oh well, theres always next year. The drive back was really funny. It rained all the way from Montreal to New Jersey. The whole time it rained. I had never seen aything like it. It was enough to make you crazy. Mazur cracked jokes on Ronnie, through and through on the trip about him getting a speeding ticket. Well, I guess the joke was on Mazur, cause going through the same stretch of roadway on the way home, Mazur got pulled over as well. Even better than that, the police officer had every single infraction listed down to the letter on a piece of fax paper as to exactly what Mazur did. I had never seen a cop so thorough in my entire life.

   74 burnouts, 2 tickets, 3 photos, 4 filmed tricks, 10 bags of beef jerky, 7 empty wallets, 4 damaged livers, and we finally made it home. We all got home super late and were exhausted from the trip. ALL of us wanting to go back again as soon as we got home. Canada was a fun place. It was way more fun than back home. I’m sure if we all could have stayed longer, we could have. Oh, well.

   And in case you’re wondering who won the contest, Nysha Huston did. Little bastard!!!! Him and I were proably the only two who didn’t drink that weekend. Damn, Maybe I should have entered. [edited by haveboard]
   editors note: are there cliffnotes for your rants, ki?

6. fuck that. i ain’t reading that shit. no offense.

7. Sorry. This was all split up, but when I pasted it, this is the mess that came out. I would have deleted it and shortened it, but it didn’t work. My bad peoples…..

8. best post ever.

9. Ki, I need to give you a lesson in posting…

10. Ki dog! After shreddin you always have a job secured at the NY TIMES. Cool as fuck always entertainment.

11. yeah, i know…i fucked up…hit me up on the low and I’ll give you the un-edited version…..scandelous…

12. I just realized something. We paid about $4.50 a gallon of gas up in canada. And I thought we were getting a deal paying $1.16 a liter. But on a good note, the exchange rate is like 30%, so I didn’t spend as much money as I thought. And, Ronnie Gordon better do his math again on the Hotel room becasue if he paid $400 something for the Hotel in Candian then we should really be baseing it on $280.

13. Thanks Haveboard. Without you, where else would I set up my soapbox???

14. “And, Ronnie Gordon better do his math again on the Hotel room becasue if he paid $400 something for the Hotel in Candian then we should really be baseing it on $280. posted on 09-29-2005 by Mazur” damn ur right about that, we got jipped, he’s figurin out ways to pay off his ticket without emptyin his own pockets hah

15. you better keep an eye on GPG, he’ll take you for all your worth, like a theif in the nite.

16. Nah, i think he just didn’t realize it. Plus, we are going to have a ticket party anyway.

17. yeah, i know, i was joking, Ronnie is my peoples, just busting chops, going shredding with GPG today as a matter of fact.

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